Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Dudes have been corner peeking for centuries

Dudes have been corner peeking for centuries

We’ve all had it, that moment at work where you think its appropriate to hit on the girl from work. I’m not saying its inappropriate, there’s just a 87% chance that it creates a wave of awkwardness that reverberates around the workplace. Even if it’s something simple like “Hey let’s grab some beers after work this week” or “Let’s bang”. Let’s set the scenarios


The best case scenario is “Yes” and she gives you the look like you’re not sleeping that night. For the 2% of guys out there this works for, congratulations. The rest of us have the same chance of this working as a snowman living after licking satan’s asshole.


The next best scenario is her telling you that she can’t make it this week and that next week makes more sense. That’s slang for ‘it’s never going to happen. After that she’ll probably turn around and leave which gives you at least one unassisted ass-look on the way out. Nice Freebie.


The scenarios get worse when there’s a witness.


Let’s pretend she starts telling you about how it’s inappropriate to ask a co-worker out in the workplace. If you think your dick is Turtling now, give it about five minutes. While she’s giving you her speech on why HR should be involved, gossip lady rolls over to grab a cup of Jo. Gossip lady is anywhere between two and three hundred pounds depending on what mumu she’s wearing that day. She purposefully makes herself two cups of coffee to catch the entire conversation and relay it to every other whale that patrols the office looking for gossip. She’s the type of lady who eats carrots by day and pork rinds by the bag at night. That’s her superpower.


On top of this, your boss comes over and asks you about how your weekend was in the middle of her filibuster. He realizes you aren’t listening and begins jumping in on the conversation. Now gossip woman and your immediate boss know that you’ve visibly made one of the women in the office grossly uncomfortable. Your career is now on the line for the next six months as both of these people have an ace-in-the-hole they can use at any moment. They’ve also told about 15 other people about what happened.

Six months later, this girl is at a happy hour and tells you how much courage it took for you to ask her out. Minutes later you’re back at her place and you’re both depantsing. About halfway through going at it you realize that she never asked about a condom and has about thirty stuffed animals in her room. You think to yourself, wow this makes perfect sense.