Final Fantasy VII Best of the Best

Posted: May 2, 2013 in For the Nerd
Tags: , , ,

Five reasons Final Fantasy VII is the best game ever. Gamer-guy is going to try and keep this as short as possible


5. It was the first 3D game with 9,000 side quests. That’s right nerds, side quests. Side quests for gamers are like protein shakes for jocks. They give us more time to stay locked in our own fantasy world of awesomeness. In this scenario though we’re not talking about random side quests. We’re talking about Ruby and Emerald weapon, knights of the round, and all that jazz. Not to mention there’s a casino in the game. Win at the casino, watch Tifa dance, see Tifa’s tits go up and down. Who said animated chicks were a bad thing? Get out the tissue paper


4. The main character is the ultimate badass. Here we have one of the first classic stories of some dude with no past, who doesn’t know his family, hates everyone he meets, and carries a 100 pound sword that literally takes a piss on everything in his path. Cloud’s darkness alone is enough to make Cid head to counseling.


3. There’s a character in the game that’s a giant stuffed cat. In other video games, side characters are rough and tumble and have exotic back stories. Don’t get me wrong, theres plenty of this in FF7 with other characters, but the fact that some developer pulled the stuffed cat out of his ass and somehow factored it into the most revolutionary game of our lifetime is nothing short of fantastic. There’s a reason Japan rules the streets when it comes to these games. While we’re at it, can we see Tifa’s tits go up and down again?


2. The game comes with 3 CDs. This was one of the first games ever to do it. Think about it, this reason doesn’t even refer to the gameplay itself. The natural gamer gets the game for his/herself, sees that there are three CDs inside and already starts wet-dreaming about how long it will take to beat. Maybe you went to school and talked to your friend John who developed early onset carpal tunnel in first grade from too much counterstrike and you tell him “I’m still on CD 1”. If he’s anywhere further than you, a feeling of jealousy and self-pride sets in. You’re jealous because hes on CD 2 and will find out the ending before you do, but you’re excited because you still have X amount of hours more to play while he sits on his ass and plays with his tamagochi


1. The final boss fight is the end all be all. You don’t kill this mother fucker once, or twice, but three times. It’s the ultimate boss fight. You finally get a chance to kill the bastard who’s been screwing with your head for the last 3 CD’s. At this point there’s emotion involved. You feel for Cloud, and you want Cloud to kick Sephiroth’s ass. The problem is this asshat has three different forms. Bring all the potions and elixirs you have for this fight because you’re gonna need more than 1 omnislash to kill three of this douche. In addition, you’ve put in over fifty hours of gameplay which means you’re almost a member of the party. My real life elixirs were yoohoo chocolate milk which is why I was pushing 200 lbs in 4th grade.


If that wasn’t enough, here’s some more ‘knowledge’ on why its the greatest game of all time.

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